Mike Edmisten Follower of Jesus. Husband of Nicki. Father of Ryan & Brock. Communicator of the Word.

5 Questions About Masturbation

Chances are if you weren't at ACC yesterday, then the title of this post surprised you. I preached the second message in our Man Up series yesterday and it was TENSE! I can't remember the last time there was this much tension in the room while I was preaching.  And I fully expected it. Seriously, when you talk about "that," then the temperature in the room is going to rise.

As I promised yesterday, I'm posting the five questions that a Christian man must ask himself when considering the issue of masturbation. (And yes…I know there are women who struggle with this, too. These questions apply to women as well.)  The Bible never discusses masturbation, but that doesn't mean that there isn't a lot of Scripture to consider when thinking about this issue.

In his book called Porn Again Christian, Mark Driscoll lists five great questions when considering masturbation, along with pertinent Scriptures. (You can download the entire book for free here.)

1. Can you masturbate without lusting ? (Job 31:1)

2. Can you masturbate in a way that builds oneness with your spouse, pulling you together more intimately through the act? (Genesis 2:24)

3. Can you masturbate without experiencing shame? (Genesis 2:25)

4. Can you masturbate with a clear conscience? (Titus 1:15) [I would also add Hebrews 13:18.]

5. Can you masturbate without capitulating to the cravings of your sinful desires and thoughts? (Ephesians 2:3)

Heavy duty stuff, to be sure.  But stuff that every man (and woman) needs to prayerfully and soberly consider.

Some might ask why.  Why would I preach and blog about such a sensitive and offensive issue? My answer would be the same one I gave last week leading up to yesterday's message.  Real pastors talk about real issues that real people deal with in real life. Masturbation certainly qualifies. And so, as awkward and uncomfortable as it is, the church has got to talk about it.  If the church doesn't discuss difficult and uncomfortable issues, where do we expect people to go to find the truth about those issues?

In Acts 20, the Apostle Paul said, "You know that I have not hesitated to preach anything that would be helpful to you…" (Acts 20:20a, NIV)

Paul didn't hesitate to preach about anything that people needed to hear.  He didn't duck the tough issues. He didn't shy away from uncomfortable topics. He preached the truth that people needed to hear. He taught about issues that they were really dealing with.

That's what yesterday was all about.

Are You Called to Ministry?

George Whitefield, the 18th-century evangelist, gives this advice for anyone who thinks they might be called to preach the gospel.

“Ask yourselves again and again whether you would preach for Christ if you were sure to lay down your life for so doing? If you fear the displeasure of a man for doing your duty now, assure yourselves you are not yet thus minded.”

Man Up Your Sex

Got your attention now?

That's the title of the second message in our Man Up series that I'll be preaching this weekend. I'll go ahead and tell you now that this one is going to be tense. We're going to talk about stuff that most churches refuse to talk about.

I'm not doing it to be edgy or cool. I don't give a rip about that kind of thing.  Here's why we're tackling some incredibly hard and tense issues this weekend:  I believe that real pastors talk about real issues that real people have in real life.

Far too often, churches are very good at answering questions that nobody is asking.

As hard as it may be for some Christians to believe, most people don't lose sleep over election vs. free will. They don't care if you are premillenial, postmillenial, or amillenial.

Here's what real people want to know…can Jesus actually make a difference in my life? Can He actually do something about all the junk that I'm dealing with?

That's why I'm going to preach strong this weekend. Because I actually believe that Jesus can make a difference in your life…your REAL life.

He Plays For My Team

The Major League Baseball draft is in progress. Most people don't realize that because it doesn't receive the fanfare of the NFL draft.  But for a hardcore baseball dude like me, it's interesting stuff.

The Reds took catcher Yasmani Grandal in the first round of the draft.  You've probably never heard of him. Neither had I until yesterday.

But now, something interesting has happened. All of a sudden, I'm a Grandal fan. I'm studying his stats. I'm reading about his history. I'm absorbing anything I can about the guy.

How does that happen? How do I go from "I've never heard of the guy" to "I'm a fan of the guy" in one day's time?

The answer is simple. Yesterday he wasn't on my team.  Today, he is. (I realize that he isn't officially signed yet. I'm overlooking that detail at the moment.)

When a guy is on my team, I'm a fan. I'm always hoping that he does well. I want him to succeed.

If that's true regarding something as insignificant as a baseball team, it should be infinitely more true of a team that really matters…like the church.

Everyone in the church is on my team. Therefore, it stands to reason that I should cheer for them. I should celebrate their success and try to help pick them up when they fail.

That's why God commands us to, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." (Romans 12:15)

The sad part is that so many of us get it backwards. We rejoice when a team member fails. We mourn when a team member succeeds.

Don't believe me?  Then why is it that so many churches bash other churches simply because they do things differently (as if there is only one way to "do church")?

Why do churches divide over minute issues instead of uniting through their commonality in Christ?

Why do we (secretly) hang our heads when a church has more people than us, but then pump our fist when we are bigger than a different church?

This is insanity.  Actually, it's much worse than that. It is sinful.

We're on the same team. So, when a team member fails, I will pray and seek to help him up. When a team member succeeds, I will rejoice in his success.

And why not? I'm a fan.  After all, he plays for my team.

Ministry Marriages

How is your pastor's marriage?  Before you say, "I'm sure it's fine," consider these survey statistics…

• 77% of ministry leaders said they do not have a good marriage
• 80% of ministry wives think their husband is over worked
• 80% of ministry wives wish their husband would change professions
• “Wives’ issues” is the No. 1 reason pastors leave their ministries

For a lot of pastors, things are good in the pulpit but rotten in the parsonage.

Satan is attacking ministry families with full force. If he can undermine a leader's family, the leader will eventually crumble from the inside out.

For all my ministry buddies…GUARD YOUR FAMILY! No one else will do it for you. Guard your family like a pit bull. Go to your kids' games. Spend the majority of your evenings at home. Date your wife. Your church had a pastor before you. They'll have another one after you. You are the one and only husband and father in your family.

For church members…PRAY FOR YOUR PASTOR'S FAMILY. That goes for every single person on your church's staff. Pray for them. Make sure they're taking adequate time off. Make sure they live at home…not at church. Do everything in your power to make sure your church is not a marriage killer for your church staff.

For the record…I didn't post this because I have a lousy family life. My marriage is amazing. My family is incredible. I'm not just saying that because that's what I'm supposed to say. It really is true.

But I am always conscious that I could lose it all. I will not shirk my responsibility to guard my family and protect my marriage. And I covet your prayers as I do that.

By God's grace, my family will not be another ministry statistic.

What can you do to help reverse this tragic trend among pastors and their families?

Perfect Grace

I recently blogged about Dallas Braden's perfect game.  I noted how rare this feat is in Major League Baseball.

Well, it's getting less rare. There have already been two perfect games thrown this season…and there should have been three.

Last night, Armando Galarraga threw a perfect game for the Detroit Tigers…but he will not be credited for a perfecto. On what should have been the last out of the game, umpire Jim Joyce made a horrendous call at first base. The runner was clearly out, sealing the perfect game.  Joyce, however, threw his arms out to the side indicating that the runner was safe. It was highway robbery. An absolutely awful call.

No perfect game.

But I still saw something perfect last night in Detroit.  I saw a perfect example of grace.

Galarraga had every right to get in the umpire's face. He had ever right to yell, scream, spit, kick dirt on the ump, etc. He should have been only the 21st player in MLB history to throw a perfect game. This botched call robbed him of that honor.

You know what Galarraga did? He smiled and said nothing. Later, he said in an interview, "Nobody's perfect. Everybody's human."

Jim Joyce, who made this tremendous mistake, later said, "I just cost that kid a perfect game. I thought he beat the throw. I was convinced he beat the throw until I saw the replay. It was the biggest call of my career.  I don't blame them a bit for anything that was said. I would have said it myself if I had been Galarraga. I would have been the first person in my face and he never said a word to me."

I give Jim Joyce a lot of credit.  He manned up and owned his mistake.

I give Armando Galarraga a ton more credit for being a bigger man than I would have been. The grace he exemplified is near mind-boggling.

Those of us who follow Jesus should take note of this event. When it comes to giving grace, this is how it's done.

Al & Tipper Gore

According to widely-circulated news reports, Al & Tipper Gore are separating after 40 years of marriage. They are reportedly saying that there has been no infidelity or anything like that.  Apparently they just grew apart. According to one of their associates, "Their lives had gotten more and more separated."

So, after 40 years of marriage and four grown children, the Gores are splitting up. Whether or not you agree with their politics is insignificant in this discussion. Republican or Democrat, conservative or liberal…it is a tragedy when a marriage ends. Especially one in which so much has been invested.

And unfortunately, this is a familiar refrain in our country today.  I read recently that the demographic with the fastest-growing divorce rate in the U.S. is empty-nesters.

People who have been married for 30 or 40 years. People who have raised children together. People who have been through thick and thin together. Those are the people getting divorced at a faster clip than any other demographic in our culture today.

It's so easy for marital drift to happen. You drift apart. It's not a stark and shocking separation…it's a slow drift.

Life centers around the kids.

Life centers around career advancement.

Life centers around financial pressures.

The romance, intimacy, and friendship that was once the center point of the marriage becomes marginalized until it disappears completely. Then, when the kids are finally gone, so is the marriage.

But it doesn't have to be this way. It requires work. It requires a very intentional effort to keep the marriage healthy and growing. But it can happen. Your marriage doesn't have to be a statistic.

If marital drift is happening, you and your spouse need to take action today. Not tomorrow. Today. It might be too late for Al & Tipper, but it's not too late for you.

For much more on this, check out the last message I preached in our Love Story series a few months ago.

In It to Win It – Mike Edmisten

Stop the drift.

Change the tide.

Do it today.